Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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