I am full of burrito and curiosity
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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