Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
