At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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