Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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