when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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