There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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