honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
