i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
