I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
