Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
