Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
