I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
