Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
