but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is this like a preordered booty call?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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