whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
