if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Boobs are out for the taking
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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