you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
