it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
