my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
