I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
