dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
