Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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