If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
