Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
