I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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