Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
