Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
