M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
