Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
