whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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