You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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