Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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