Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
