I am in a vortex of obligation.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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