I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm really busy with my period
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