So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He did a backflip because drugs
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
