we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
