the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
