I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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