I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
