So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
