I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's always time for handjobs
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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