you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
