I am in a vortex of obligation.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
