As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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