those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
