This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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