Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
