I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
