i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i think my cat just said my name.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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