There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
