hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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