I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
