help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
