I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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